Sunday, July 26, 2009

I dream of babies.

Lately, for reasons particularly unknown, I have been dreaming of babies. And amazingly enough, not just one, but two.

In every dream, I can feel personal relationships with each. The love for every single child is different and unexplainable. I don't remember much about the children in my dreams, but I remember their touch and their smiles. The warmth of their hands in mine and the joy I felt in my heart as I smiled back at their glowing faces. I remember my chest fill with nothing but delicious delight of the softest desire. A tender and delicate appreciation of life in it's truest form.

A couple weeks ago I dreamt that I had twins, this dream was very special to me in the fact that I felt as though I was promised something very special before I woke up.

Last night I dreamt that Marshall and I had adopted a young boy and his baby sister. I carried the baby in my arms, as I held the young boys hand. I remember the struggle to carry these two and to watch them both, to love them both. I remember thinking how hard it was for me to have these children. And then I woke up..

Regardless of the struggle I seemed to have in both of these dreams, and the hardships I may someday have as a mother and (as it takes to be a mother), I cannot wait to be one. I admire all those mothers around me, the new moms, the single moms, the 'old' moms, the mothers of 1, or the mothers of 10...

I sometimes wish I were you.

I always feel like it is a bit disheartening to hear when a woman says she never wants to have children. I love hearing the excuses they come up with for reasons not to. I sometimes can't help but feel sad for them as they convince themselves that they are really that selfish. I know they aren't- but I sometimes feel like society and the evil world has made them believe they are. I just feel strongly that all women have a deep rooted desire to have a family and bear children, they just need to find that inside of them to remind themselves they have been given that gift.

I apologize if I have offended anyone of my view on this subject. It is just on my mind this evening.