Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Boys

Baby Ezra ate himself to sleep and is balled up between my chest and belly button.
Keeping me cozy warm on this chilly day as the winter storms brew outside.
I have been so fortunate to be home with Ezra. To get to know him and for him to know and understand me.
Sometimes I wonder while we cuddle together if he knows who I am, if he cares, and if he was told what I would be like, what I would say, how I would smell, how I would love him and if I have disappointed him yet.
I know I am bound to make mistakes as a new mother, but already I have found that he is so quick to forgive me and to forget! I am already learning so much from him.
He is so perfect. His small hands and feet, his toes and fingers... I stare at him for hours and hours and it never gets old.
I love his little noises and movements, they send me over the edge!

Marshall and I agree to disagree daily on who he resembles more. I think he can look like me in so many ways, and see bits of Marshall in many ways. Regardless, this little man absolutely melts my heart.

Ezra makes our schedules, when we eat, when we sleep, what we get done throughout the day. and I am NOT complaining. It is almost a game to me now. I make goals to see what exactly I can start and complete throughout the day and I feel amazing when I actually do accomplish a task, even if it is showering.

I was actually able to make dinner for the first time in MONTHS last night. Ezra fought me on this one, I made him a little nest with a blanket, set him in the center and stuck a pacifier in his mouth so I could make his daddy a warm meal for when he got home.

Marshall is my best friend and I thank God everyday for him. He he has been so wonderfully supportive as a husband and as a father. I feel his warm hand on my back in the middle of the night when I just can't bare to wake up for the millionth time to soothe a fussy baby. He constantly tells me I am doing a great job and that he loves me and most of all, how beautiful I am, when I know I smell like milk, and have barely readied myself for the day and have been wearing the same pajamas for the past week. I don't know what I would do without him.
Tomorrow was supposed to be Ezra's birthday and boy am I glad he came when he did. He has already blessed our lives in ways we didn't know possible. Marshall and I have learned to be patient and calm and have found more love for each other and for life.
I love my boys and I am so grateful for them.