Saturday, December 8, 2012

Life before a brother.


My friend, Krystle and I ran out and down the trail on a seriously brisk day in October and snapped a couple quick shots. I insisted on wearing a faux fur stole and my floppy hat, because I love them both and felt inspired. I thought that they needed to be photographed.

When Marshall saw the photos, he immediately said, :"What ARE you wearing?!" I died laughing. Because, seriously. I am wearing a fur stole and a floppy hat.  When else can I wear these two pieces together and get away with it? When you are pregnant, you can get away with whatever you want. right?

I am so happy to have had these photos taken with Ezra. 
I am always on the other side of the camera documenting Ezra's life from my perspective and it is nice to have a photo of us together. I am so grateful to have these photos forever. 
Any bit of documentation proving that we had Ezra and Ezra had us all to himself is worth having.

I think it is so important for Ezra to recognize that he knew his mommy and daddy first. He spent a very special amount of time with us before his baby brother came. I want and wish for him to remember the time that he spent one on one with both of his parents as we tried to teach him about his surroundings, his home, his family, his body, his everything.
We have devoted our lives to his. We have adjusted our schedules to his. We have centered our every minute to his needs and in no time at all, his life- along with ours, will change.

 Last night as I knelt on the floor and looked into Ezra's eyes, I felt more love for him than I knew was even fathomable. A rush of emotion swept over me (emotions are running wild at this point in my pregnancy) as I looked into his dark brown eyes and thought of our lives the past two years with him and how absolutely, wonderfully blessed they have been. I even thought how much I don't want it to change.Tears fell from my cheeks and Ezra sweetly touched my bangs and asked for a hug. ( He copies what we do to him. I brush his hair back when he is upset and ask him for a hug) He then surprised me by coming in for a kiss.
I don't think I want things to change one bit. 
(but they will- and I am sure it will be great) 

 Ezra's eyes see mine most days. 
His ears hear the voices of his mother and his father and his hands and feet move to the rhythm of ours. 

In weeks, his eyes will lay upon a little baby boy who resembles himself. 
He will share a brotherly bond that will never break. 
I imagine him staring and trying to understand that this is the 'baby brother' that his mommy and daddy have been talking about all this time. His ears will hear the sound of another voice filling the walls of our home. He will learn the sounds of  cries and giggles from someone besides himself. His small hands that can touch rough and play hard will have to adjust to being gentle and touching soft and his feet will look huge compared to the set that were given to his new baby brother.

I look forward to the mark that this little boy will imprint on Ezra's little heart. 
I can't imagine the tug and pull that my heart will take holding both of these boys in my arms at once. The capacity of love that a mother has for her children cannot be measured or imagined, it can only be experienced. I am happy to be able to experience this love in my life and only wish that everyone can experience this joy.