I sometimes don't like my kids. I sometimes don't like them very much. (I know you are gasping, covering your mouth and thinking that I am the worst, sometimes I am.)
I have been trying hard to evaluate myself to see if I am over reacting to the things that upset me. But all I can think of is--- sometimes my kids are really, extremely quite annoying. It's not all my kids. It's mainly just one. My oldest. Ezra. He can push my buttons and he knows it. Ezra knows now that when I grab Oliver and sit down to feed him that I can't get to him as fast as I usually can. This, I swear is when he plans his most mischievously annoying tactics. He knows I won't yell at him either, because I don't want to hurt Oliver's ears. So I usually catch myself in an instant sweat,flailing my free arm at him and pointing and signing with my angriest finger and mouthing threatening "Don'tchyoudothats" through my spitting teeth.
It's hard being a mom and honestly, I sometimes prefer being booked in the salon because it is easier than parenting. I remember when Ezra was teeny tiny, maybe 6 months. I told a seasoned mother, that I missed Ezra when he was asleep and I couldn't wait until he woke up and now I can't wait until its bed time and I am practically begging him to shut his eyes and mouth through out the day. This is real, people. Sometimes, it may seem that we have things together over here, that my kids are happy, that I am happily keeping them entertained and creative, but we are bored and sometimes hate each other. I am SO looking forward to the weekend. I love when Marshall is home and I have a back up who is most always,on my side. I am easily outnumbered over here.
On a lighter note, here are some fun facts and some photos from the 4th of july:
-I am obsessed with Eggland's best eggs.
- I always take out our garbage out before people come over, doesn't matter who it is. I have a thing about people seeing our trash.
- If you call me, I will not answer and if I do, forgive me for yelling into the phone because I have other people trying to talk to me as well.
- When I wake up to this sight.. it's my favorite.
-When do you stop needing baby gates? We have to barricade our children in certain areas of our house to protect them from themselves!
-Oliver is literally an angel sent from Heaven. I am so grateful to have a sweet baby when my other two have bad days. Oliver is always sweet and always happy. He keeps me sane.
-I had to bribe my kids with candy to get a cute photo of them with their big brother shirts from a dear friend.
-I wish Marshall's to do list was the same as my to do list.
- Ezra has started screaming you guys. Screaming. Even Eli is like, "Please stop, Ezra"
(In Ezra's defense, he seems to be coming down with a cold and he is bored, I can't do as much with him when nursing a baby around the clock and I don't blame him for losing his mind once in a while, I just wish he wouldn't-- my mom guilt is off the charts.)
-Ezra caught a nasty black beetle of some sort and has been keeping him hostage in a rocky habitat. He named him "stinkypants" even when I asked him to name him something nice, because it sounds like an excuse to name call.
- I have been LOVING the cooler days we had this week, they have been the best.
Eli climbed up Marshall's exercise equipment and fell down. He has a goose egg to prove it.
Marshall found this photo of Ezra and I, when he was maybe 6 months old. He was the most adorable baby. And sweet! He was SO sweet!
Some days and some weeks are better than others. I am praying to find goodness even in our hardest days and am constantly reminding myself to enjoy my children at this age because they grow up faster than I can keep up with. I don't want to regret that I didn't love them how I should have or loved myself enough to be more patient and kind to myself as a mother. This gig is hard and not for the faint of heart. Every day is a lesson, everyday is a fresh start.
I am grateful for prayer and for my faith. Without these vital tools, I would feel so alone on this journey.